Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Santa...Just A Couple More Things Before I Forget!

Dear Santa,
I hope you don't think me rude because I am writing to you again so soon, but I thought of a couple of other things that I forgot to ask you for this past Christmas.  I would wait until next December to send you these revisions, but the odds are slim to nil that I would remember any of them 12 months from now. To be honest, there is a good chance I won't even remember them by tomorrow, so before I forget, here they are:
1. Could you please give me something to help me stop forgetting things?
2. I would also appreciate if you would provide Dave with the same gift, as well. In fact, feel free to give Dave his gift first! The reason I am being so magnanimous is because he is so much more annoying about forgetting things than I am.  This is due to the fact that when he forgets where he put something, he always assumes that I am the one who misplaced it.  I can't imagine why he thinks this because it seems obvious, that with the amount of hours in a day I devote to losing my own stuff, I certainly have no extra time to spare losing his.
3. Additionally, I would like if you could give me one of the "Lifestyle Lifts" that they advertise on TV.  It would make me really happy if, when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror, my appearance looked more like what I THINK I should look like, instead of the much older looking woman who keeps appearing in my reflection.  I wanted to ask you for this last year, but I couldn't think of a reason for requesting this that would not make me appear to be selfish or vain.  After having given it a great deal of thought though, I was able to manufacture one!  I wouldn't be requesting this for myself, you see, but rather, for all the people who have to look at me!!!  In fact, I think it quite selfless of me to make one of my wishes for the betterment of others, instead of myself...don't you?
4. This will be the last one for now, Santa...could you please make my daughters stop sharing stories with me that involve "old people," in the telling?  The reason I ask for this is because whenever I inquire as to the age of these elderly individuals, they are usually my age or younger.  I do not find my daughters' apologies, which they make with a great deal of amusement, all that sincere, so if you cannot help me in this regard, then please, just feel free to give each of them some wrinkles or age spots, to even things up.
Okay, I hope you, the Mrs. and the reindeer enjoy some much deserved rest and relaxation in the coming months.  

Amycita xoxox  

Thursday, December 12, 2013


Having recently read, with great amusement, the TRUE account of what a ten month old baby wants from Santa, I got the idea to write a realistic list of the things that I would REALLY like to ask Santa for, this year. Here goes:

Dearest of Santas,
Hope you have had a great year and that the Mrs. and the reindeer are all doing well!  I am sending you my Christmas Wish List...and this one is a little more authentic than the ones that I usually send you.  That is not to say that I do not wish for world peace, or that a meteor avoids hitting my house; the following wishes are just a little bit more personal.
An Authentic Christmas Wish List from a Woman of 54
  1.  Santa could you please make them stop making all the fonts in the newspapers and magazines so incredibly small?  I am having a very hard time reading them.
  2. Also, along those same lines, can you please ask people to stop speaking in such quiet voices? The only one I can ever hear is Dave...and that is only after I have asked him to repeat himself for the fifth time.  He ALWAYS speaks in a loud enough voice then.  Also, can you please make Dave stop speaking to me in that loud voice...it almost sounds as if he is irritated with me.  
  3. Can you please give me a little more time in a day?  I used to be able to keep up with things but, as of late, I am experiencing quite a bit of trouble accomplishing all the things that I am supposed to do.  Frankly, my house is a REALLY big mess right now and writing this letter to you isn't helping things.
  4. Can you please make the economy pick up so that I don't have to worry so much about my children?  I remember when Dave and I first started out and both of our jobs provided medical and dental benefits; nowadays that is more uncommon.  I want all my daughters to have those things so that I don't have to lose anymore sleep over it.
  5. Speaking of sleep, can you do anything about helping me with that?  I often go to bed totally exhausted, but then, find I cannot sleep at all!  This forces me to watch things like the two hour episode of "Mob City" that I watched last night.  As a result of this, I slept right through my alarm clock going off this morning, and was almost late for work!  Thankfully, my husband Dave woke me up, but even so, I was forced to go into work with NO MASCARA ON!!!!  No mascara is not a good look for me, Santa.
  6. Can you please, and this is a really important one, keep all my family members in good health?  We have been blessed for so long that I have come to expect that.  When they are not well I am consumed with worry about them.  I would prefer if you would do something so that they can all live forever. 
  7. Okay, now as far as things breaking all the time, is there anything that you can do about that?  I understand that things need to be repaired from time to time, but this "all things must break down at the very same time" thing is kind of overwhelming.  Please do something that ensures no other items will break or need repairs, until the items that are already broken have been fixed.  Also, please make this retroactive...otherwise we are never going to catch up.
  8. Also, no more floods in my basement please.  No further explanation is needed.
  9. Can you please keep my pups and cats in good health?  Those animals give me such joy and I appreciate them more than you can know.  I want them to be around with me forever!
  10. Finally, can you keep all my family, relatives, friends and adopted facebook friends safe and happy this coming year?  These people make my life happier because they are a part of it.  They are the salt and pepper of the seasonings of life...without them my world would be very bland!    
  11. Okay Santa, I think that is enough for now... although it would also be great if you could help me to understand how to work things on my computer better.  I put this number thing on for my list and now I cannot figure out how to make it stop...that is why this is listed as #11, when it should have just been a final paragraph.  Alright, I love you Santa.  I will leave some cookies and milk for you on my kitchen table and as always, I will throw some
    Cheerios on the roof for your reindeer.  
  12. Dang it, Santa...I just wanted to sign off by saying Love, Amycita...but now I have number 12 in front of it...please make it stop!  xoxoxoxoxooxo   
  13. PS...Steve Sanderson just reminded me that I should have asked that the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl while I am still living....I know this one is a stretch, but it sure would be great!   
  14. Blessings...Amycita      
  15. Santa, please put "how to turn off this numbering feature" at the top of this list.