Wednesday, May 29, 2013

For My Brother

Grief, as necessary to life as joy, has settled upon me now.  In the days leading up to my brother's passing this past Monday, the first threads of it began to weave its way around my heart, but it wasn't until the day following his death that it actually began to blanket me.  It is as familiar to me as an old friend, for I have known this feeling many times before.  It stands waiting, like an unexpected guest knocking upon the door of my heart, until with resignation I open myself up to let grief in.
I take note of the baggage it carries with it, so indicative of the length of time it will be visiting me.  We will be unpacking the contents of that baggage together, one item at a time, as I come to terms with an existence that my brother will no longer be a part of.  A bit of anxiety causes my heart to race for I know this period will be painful, yet necessary.  Grief's first days with me will be the hardest, of course, but the jagged edges of sorrow will eventually begin to soften with the passage of time.  Finally, one day there will be a morning upon which I will wake up thinking about some ordinary aspect of life, instead of about the brother I so loved and miss. Then, I will watch as grief picks up its empty suitcase and quietly begins to walk away, almost unnoticed, as it closes the door of my heart behind it until the next time we meet again.
I love you Bill and you will remain in my heart until we are together, once more. Until that time though, safe journey; don't tarry if you should hear us crying.  It is just the sounds of those who loved you…unpacking their bags of grief.  ~ Amycita~