At preschool recently, I
mentioned something about my mother, to the littles. The puzzled expressions
that were reflected on their faces, were quickly explained when one child
voiced the question that they all wanted to ask.
"YOU have a MOTHER,
Mrs. Valente?" the little asked me without any attempt to conceal the look
of utter disbelief on his face. "You mean YOU are a KID???"
"Yes!!" I
said, indignantly. "I certainly DO have a mother; technically, that makes
me a kid. I am merely an old kid."
It is the same thing of
course, when it comes to the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Two years ago I
attested to this fact when I wrote a post for my blog entitled "THEY WILL
ALWAYS BE LITTLE GIRLS TO THE EASTER BUNNY." In matters of mothers
and magical holiday personae, you will always be a kid; provided you do not
fall victim to the skeptics, and foolishly, allow them to convince you
otherwise. In this case, you will be doomed to a life on the dark side. Your
days of joyfully hunting for your basket on Easter morning are over, and you
have nobody to blame but yourself. This idea pains me because there are
few things sadder in life, than watching everyone else eat their Easter candy,
while you are left with nothing more than the hard-boiled eggs. Because of
this, I will share the secret to regaining your good standing with the Easter
Bunny...and please, bear in mind that these same rules are applicable with
Santa Claus, as well. Don't blow it; this might very well be your last
chance.
Okay, if you had taken
the time to read the post I mentioned earlier, you should already understand
the two requisites involved in getting an Easter basket for the rest of your
life. They consist of loudly stating a declaration of your lifelong, unwavering
belief in the Easter Bunny, AND, more importantly, MAKING THIS
DECLARATION IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER!!!
As hard as it is to
believe, it is that simple. The Easter Bunny is available to you for the
rest of your life, as long as you NEVER EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, say to
your mother that you have any doubts that he exists. Your mother and the Easter
Bunny are good friends...so, "from your mouth to your mother's ear"
translates into, "from your mother's mouth to the Easter Bunny's
ear," in equal parts. DO NOT voice even the slightest hint of doubt about
the Easter Bunny's existence to your mother...unless you hate Easter
candy.
You will be tested
though. Life is hard and the Easter Bunny is not exception to the rule. From the time you are a small child, evil people will try to shame you
into saying that you do not believe in him. They will call you a baby and
make you feel silly...but that is only because their hearts have been hardened
by the fact that they no longer get Easter baskets!! Why is that, you
ask??? Well, I will tell you why....IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOLD THEIR MOTHERS THAT
THEY NO LONGER BELIEVED IN THE EASTER BUNNY!!!
About this time, many of
you are feeling secure about your good-standing with the Easter Bunny.
You, foolishly, think that you are too smart to fall for their tricks,
and that the memory of last year's candy is enough to ensure that you will
never succumb to doubt. YOU ARE WRONG!!!! TRUST NO ONE...INCLUDING
YOUR PARENTS!!! I am sorry to tell you this, but the sad truth is that even
your own parents, in fact, mainly your own parents, will attempt to lure you
into an admission of doubt. I beg you, please, DON'T DO IT!! If you
ever say to them that you do not believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, it
is all over! They still love you, but they are suffering from candy
deprivation, and along with all the other holiday heretics, they want you to
suffer the same fate as them! They will even sink so low, as to offer their
lack of baskets as proof that the Easter Bunny doesn't exist!!! There are
no lengths that these individuals are unwilling to go to, to add one more member to
their basketless existence. REMEMBER, THEY ARE ONLY BASKETLESS BECAUSE
THEIR OWN PARENTS TRICKED THEM INTO SAYING THAT THE EASTER BUNNY WASN'T
REAL!!!
Now if you are smart,
like my daughter Jamie was, you will ensure a lifetime of Easter baskets by
saying, in a very loud voice in front of the entire family and all of
mankind, that for as long as you have breath in your old, decaying body, you
expect the Easter Bunny to hide a basket at your mother's house. Once these words are uttered, you are safe. NOTHING
will undo the magic these words will provide to you and yours siblings, who,
even though they are all over the age of twenty, are smart enough to be nodding
their heads vigorously, in agreement.
One last thing...should
you have already succumbed to parent/bunny pressure, do not despair. You
simply must recant your earlier statements and, in a very contrite and sorrowful
voice, say that you were misled. State loudly and with undeniable
enthusiasm, that you DO BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY!!! STATE, WITH THE ZEAL OF A
TRUE BELIEVER, THAT YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS, THAT THE EASTER BUNNY
FORGIVES YOU, AND THAT YOU WANT TO RECAPTURE THE MAGIC OF YOUR CHILDHOOD, WHICH YOUR MOTHER, SELFLESSLY, PROVIDED YOU WITH. Of course, unless you say this in front of your mother, it
does no good. Obviously, not even the Easter Bunny loves you more than your
mother, so once she hears those words she is going to speak to EB, on your
behalf. You are safe now; so sleep well. You will wake in the
morning to the taste of chocolate...but the Easter Bunny might make FINDING
your basket a little bit trickier this year, in atonement for your lack of
faith. Blessings ~ Amycita~
