Friday, March 27, 2015
At preschool recently, I mentioned something about my mother, to the littles. The puzzled expressions that were reflected on their faces, were quickly explained when one child voiced the question that they all wanted to ask.
"YOU have a MOTHER, Mrs. Valente?" the little asked me without any attempt to conceal the look of utter disbelief on his face. "You mean YOU are a KID???"
"Yes!!" I said, indignantly. "I certainly DO have a mother; technically, that makes me a kid. I am merely an old kid."
It is the same thing of course, when it comes to the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Two years ago I attested to this fact when I wrote a post for my blog entitled "THEY WILL ALWAYS BE LITTLE GIRLS TO THE EASTER BUNNY." In matters of mothers and magical holiday personae, you will always be a kid; provided you do not fall victim to the skeptics, and foolishly, allow them to convince you otherwise. In this case, you will be doomed to a life on the dark side. Your days of joyfully hunting for your basket on Easter morning are over, and you have nobody to blame but yourself. This idea pains me because there are few things sadder in life, than watching everyone else eat their Easter candy, while you are left with nothing more than the hard-boiled eggs. Because of this, I will share the secret to regaining your good standing with the Easter Bunny...and please, bear in mind that these same rules are applicable with Santa Claus, as well. Don't blow it; this might very well be your last chance.
Okay, if you had taken the time to read the post I mentioned earlier, you should already understand the two requisites involved in getting an Easter basket for the rest of your life. They consist of loudly stating a declaration of your lifelong, unwavering belief in the Easter Bunny, AND, more importantly, MAKING THIS DECLARATION IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER!!!
As hard as it is to believe, it is that simple. The Easter Bunny is available to you for the rest of your life, as long as you NEVER EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, say to your mother that you have any doubts that he exists. Your mother and the Easter Bunny are good friends...so, "from your mouth to your mother's ear" translates into, "from your mother's mouth to the Easter Bunny's ear," in equal parts. DO NOT voice even the slightest hint of doubt about the Easter Bunny's existence to your mother...unless you hate Easter candy.
You will be tested though. Life is hard and the Easter Bunny is not exception to the rule. From the time you are a small child, evil people will try to shame you into saying that you do not believe in him. They will call you a baby and make you feel silly...but that is only because their hearts have been hardened by the fact that they no longer get Easter baskets!! Why is that, you ask??? Well, I will tell you why....IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOLD THEIR MOTHERS THAT THEY NO LONGER BELIEVED IN THE EASTER BUNNY!!!
About this time, many of you are feeling secure about your good-standing with the Easter Bunny. You, foolishly, think that you are too smart to fall for their tricks, and that the memory of last year's candy is enough to ensure that you will never succumb to doubt. YOU ARE WRONG!!!! TRUST NO ONE...INCLUDING YOUR PARENTS!!! I am sorry to tell you this, but the sad truth is that even your own parents, in fact, mainly your own parents, will attempt to lure you into an admission of doubt. I beg you, please, DON'T DO IT!! If you ever say to them that you do not believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, it is all over! They still love you, but they are suffering from candy deprivation, and along with all the other holiday heretics, they want you to suffer the same fate as them! They will even sink so low, as to offer their lack of baskets as proof that the Easter Bunny doesn't exist!!! There are no lengths that these individuals are unwilling to go to, to add one more member to their basketless existence. REMEMBER, THEY ARE ONLY BASKETLESS BECAUSE THEIR OWN PARENTS TRICKED THEM INTO SAYING THAT THE EASTER BUNNY WASN'T REAL!!!
Now if you are smart, like my daughter Jamie was, you will ensure a lifetime of Easter baskets by saying, in a very loud voice in front of the entire family and all of mankind, that for as long as you have breath in your old, decaying body, you expect the Easter Bunny to hide a basket at your mother's house. Once these words are uttered, you are safe. NOTHING will undo the magic these words will provide to you and yours siblings, who, even though they are all over the age of twenty, are smart enough to be nodding their heads vigorously, in agreement.
One last thing...should you have already succumbed to parent/bunny pressure, do not despair. You simply must recant your earlier statements and, in a very contrite and sorrowful voice, say that you were misled. State loudly and with undeniable enthusiasm, that you DO BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY!!! STATE, WITH THE ZEAL OF A TRUE BELIEVER, THAT YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS, THAT THE EASTER BUNNY FORGIVES YOU, AND THAT YOU WANT TO RECAPTURE THE MAGIC OF YOUR CHILDHOOD, WHICH YOUR MOTHER, SELFLESSLY, PROVIDED YOU WITH. Of course, unless you say this in front of your mother, it does no good. Obviously, not even the Easter Bunny loves you more than your mother, so once she hears those words she is going to speak to EB, on your behalf. You are safe now; so sleep well. You will wake in the morning to the taste of chocolate...but the Easter Bunny might make FINDING your basket a little bit trickier this year, in atonement for your lack of faith. Blessings ~ Amycita~
Posted by amycita at 6:22 PM