Wednesday, May 29, 2013

For My Brother



Grief, as necessary to life as joy, has settled upon me now.  In the days leading up to my brother's passing this past Monday, the first threads of it began to weave its way around my heart, but it wasn't until the day following his death that it actually began to blanket me.  It is as familiar to me as an old friend, for I have known this feeling many times before.  It stands waiting, like an unexpected guest knocking upon the door of my heart, until with resignation I open myself up to let grief in.
I take note of the baggage it carries with it, so indicative of the length of time it will be visiting me.  We will be unpacking the contents of that baggage together, one item at a time, as I come to terms with an existence that my brother will no longer be a part of.  A bit of anxiety causes my heart to race for I know this period will be painful, yet necessary.  Grief's first days with me will be the hardest, of course, but the jagged edges of sorrow will eventually begin to soften with the passage of time.  Finally, one day there will be a morning upon which I will wake up thinking about some ordinary aspect of life, instead of about the brother I so loved and miss. Then, I will watch as grief picks up its empty suitcase and quietly begins to walk away, almost unnoticed, as it closes the door of my heart behind it until the next time we meet again.
I love you Bill and you will remain in my heart until we are together, once more. Until that time though, safe journey; don't tarry if you should hear us crying.  It is just the sounds of those who loved you…unpacking their bags of grief.  ~ Amycita~


14 comments:

  1. nicely put...I know that was done with a heavy heart...and each day it will get lighter...thinking of you and yours...and know that your brother is a peace....

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    1. thank you, nancy...for your kind words and thoughts.

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  2. (((Hugs))) Beautiful words as a tribute to your brother Bill. Thinking of you. XXX

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    1. thank you, so much...i can feel your hug from across the pond.

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  3. So Sorry gor your Loss, Amy. Keeping You in My Thoughts and Prayers.

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  4. I also lost my brother and it has been 10 years this May. Yes with time you realize that you have many more manageable moments than not but it is so hard at first which you well know. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Life can be amazing and full of joy and then knock you off your feet with grief. But if we focus on the love and support from friends who surround us it can carry us through. You are right though, you will see him again and what a beautiful reunion that will be. Again prayers to you and know that God uses all for good. Someone may read this blog in the midst of despair and your words just may be what they need to carry on..

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    1. thank you, JoAnn. it is nice to imagine that someone, who is suffering, might find comfort in my words.

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  5. I wish I could of had these words to read when I lost my husband.. I am so sorry for your loss Amy... and for you to share your very intimate, yet raw feelings with us, I thank you.. It will and does get better, time does heal.. you have your beautiful ability to write and share and as we all know, talking/sharing/journaling is the best medicine.. wounded hearts do heal with promises that we know we will see our dearest loved ones again...... RIP to your dearest brother.. he is with you always.. TY Amy.. prayers for you for strength during these days ahead.. <3

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    1. thank you for your kind words...they mean so much to me. xo

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  6. Beautiful words for a sad time. We all need to go through it . You will remember better thoughts of Bill as time goes on . May you know my arms are wrapped around you with a special hug ♥

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    1. thanks, janet...i can feel them.

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  7. That was beautiful Amy. I guess each day gets easier but it also remains painful, guess we just learn to cope. I don't know, I miss my brother daily and imagine I always will. I picture him laying in little 7 year old body across my lap and me scracthing his back till he fell asleep, I can see it as if it were yesterday..It's hard, stay strong...
    Joni

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    1. your remarks brought tears to my eyes, joni. i am so sorry about the loss of your brother. i feel your pain.

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