Sunday, May 1, 2011

"BRING TWO OF EVERY SORT OF ANIMAL"... but we just brought our two dogs and two cats.

A few days ago I went down into our basement, and as I walked across the carpeted floor I noticed a very distinct "squishing" sound.  Much to my dismay, I realized that part of our basement was flooded.  Puzzled, I checked our ceiling tiles to see if water was leaking from them.  This may seem odd to city folks, but shortly after we moved out to Romeo we did suffer a pretty bad leak from our ceiling.  We discovered that chipmunks had somehow gotten into our basement, and apparently, as one of our neighbors explained to us, they became thirsty and needed  water; to accomplish this they ate through some plastic water lines in the ceiling that were used in connection with our water softening system. As a result, our ceiling tiles became saturated with water, and began raining on our carpet.  Since chipmunks causing it to rain in the basement was a new concept to me this incident made an indelible impression on me.  In fact, because of this negative conditioning, I ALWAYS check the ceiling whenever someone's floor is flooded. (Not everyone shares my wealth of knowledge in this area, and, therefore, may be unaware that chipmunks could be to blame.)
This time, however, the source of our problem was a broken sump pump, so Dave made a midnight run to the closest Meijer store, a mere 14 mile journey, round-trip, and bought a new one.  He came home with a top of the line sump pump; a sump pump so impressive that it could probably drain Lake Huron, if needed.  He regaled me with information about all of its features and functions, and, sadly, I found myself listening with great interest.  I didn't even mind the cost, because, now that I live in Romeo, a sump pump is far more important to me than all those frivolous things I used to spend my money on, like clothes or perfume.  Dave installed our shiny new sump pump, and the next day I went out and rented a "Rug Doctor" and began hours of carpet cleaning.  Following our considerable efforts, made even harder since we are both somewhat broken, we conquered our flood, along with the help of a multitude of fans, and electric heaters.  We returned our "Rug Doctor," and went home; secure in the knowledge that we were now the proud owners of the best, damn sump pump in all of Romeo, as well as the driest basement.   Our happiness lasted for about all of two days.
I had fallen asleep on the couch sitting upright and uncomfortably, due to the fact that we were having a torrential downpour, accompanied by thunder and lightning.  The reason for my discomfort was because whenever there is thunder and lightning my pups, Teddy and Scarlett, are filled with anxiety and therefore must sit on, or in close proximity to, a human's lap for the duration of the storm. This time period could be up to and including all of eternity, if necessary. I woke up, pups still on my lap, to hear Dave informing me that our power had gone out during the night.  We both had appointments that morning, so we left the house in the hopes that our power would be restored by the time we returned.  It was....but not before our basement had flooded again.  Even the best damn sump pump in all of Romeo is ineffective, if one has no electricity with which to run it.
This time, due to the aforementioned torrential downpour, we had much more water.  There was water in every carpeted closet, carpeted cupboard floor, and all manner of nook and cranny.  Unfortunately, these were all the very places that I used to conceal a plethora of messy boxes and crates, so as to fool my guests when they come over, into believing that I am an exceptional housekeeper.  Clearly, I am not.  Once again, we rented a "Rug Doctor" but this time we needed to sort through 29 years of accumulated items; those items that are SO IMPORTANT that you absolutely cannot throw them out... but that you never actually look at again, once they are hidden in a closet.  Thus began the real cleaning.  Together Dave and I soldiered on, undaunted by the magnitude of our undertaking.
"Be ruthless," I told Dave. "Don't be afraid to throw anything out if it is wet, or if you can't figure out what it is!"  I felt empowered by my own words, and began throwing out bag after bag of unnecessary items.  Dave wandered over, and glanced at some of the items.
"Hey, isn't that the Bunn coffee maker that I bought you?  That cost a lot of money. Why are you throwing that out?"
"It doesn't work right, and Barb bought me the most awesome coffeemaker known to man.  I haven't a clue as to why I didn't throw this old one out to begin with."
"Okay, but what about this thing?  What is it, and why are we throwing it out?"  Dave asked again, holding up the object.
"Oh," I answered. "That is a food processor.  You gave it to me about 25 years ago I think, but I have never used it.  I considered trying to use it a few months back, but I couldn't figure out how it worked.  I am pretty sure important parts of it are someone who wants to process foods. Frankly Dave, it wasn't the best present for me.  Maybe you thought it would make me a better cook, like my sister, but, obviously, you were mistaken. It would have been much better to give it to her, and then ask her to invite us over for dinner.  I wish I would have thought of that, but it's too late now.  It has been flooded on, in addition to collecting dust for 25 years, and today it's going to go."
Dave frowned, and DID NOT put the offending food processor in the garbage. I waited patiently for him to become distracted, and then put it in myself.  I felt the weight of the food processing world, lifting from my shoulders!!
Together we forged on, puzzling over parts and items that we had saved for a variety of unknown reasons, and that now, after these many years had passed, left us totally baffled, as to their purpose. Out they all many, in fact, that we may have to borrow garbage cans from neighbors to contain them all.
Tomorrow, we will begin again, but in the end, it's all good.  When we are through we will have both the cleanest basement in all of Romeo, as well as the best damn sump pump in town!!   (AND, I finally got rid of that annoying, food processor...sigh, 29 years of terrible cooking and we're still married!  It's got to be love. )


  1. don't know if I can post, as I do not even know you, but this story lifted me higher than a friend with wine! It came on a low day, blessings. Joy

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  3. thank you for your kind remarks!! you made my day. i had to delete my original thank you, because i had a flagrant typo in it!!!! feel free to comment anytime you are so made me very happy.

  4. I get the check the ceiling part. When we lived in Madison Hgts my mom was very careful never to put anything directly on the floor in the basement. One weekend we all went up north for a family reunion. (one of the few times we were all away from the house) My uncle agreed to feed our dog Fifi and let her out. We came home to a nightmare. The upstairs toilet had a crack in the tank and the water ran all weekend (we never left the house with a toilet running so of course my uncle got the blame ) Anyways the water lifted tiles in the bathroom , ruined carpeting warped 3 doors and then the water ran thru the CEILING into the basement and into the walls (we had panelng in part of the basement) Water was in every spot you could think of. You were very wise to check theceiling !!!!!!!!! Our mess cost several thousand bucks to fix. All fixed & replaced by insurance except for the damn toilet that cause the problem , is that crazy ????

  5. at last....a kindred soul! i have not run into many others who check the ceiling when a floor is flooded. :)

  6. What a gift! You find humor in EVERYTHING !
    Thanks for the laughs! (AGAIN !) Love, Barbara