My Mother's Long Goodbye

The ending came quietly; no words were spoken as the book closed. In truth though, her final chapter was not written in those last minutes or hours, but rather, over her last years.  A thousand tiny goodbyes preceded her death, and as her illness progressed, I mourned the loss of her with each one of them.
My hardest was losing the long conversations I had shared with her. I missed her responses peppered with the sage advice she offered from the lifetime of wisdom she had garnered along the way.  Now, in their wake, she could only listen; offering gentle but generic words of comfort by way of reply.  Gone too, was her gift for sparkling storytelling which devolved into a reel of questions that she repeated instead.  Inquiries about the weather, the health of the family and pets, and where we were going when we left, became her mainstay. Still, I clung to what remained, and cherished the sound of her voice and the beauty of her smile as I anticipated what was to come.
At last, as death neared, I watched my mother living only in the present moment, with the dawning realization that there was great beauty in that too.  It was I who was suffering; encumbered by the weight of my memories of the past, as well as my fear of the future.  For my mother, laid bare by the illness that robbed her of those things, there was none of that baggage. She was simply of the here and now.  Her last days in hospice care found her enveloped by the love of the family she had created and nurtured, and she seemed serene.  As her strength diminished she said her last goodbyes and assured us of her love; a memory I will hold dear until I take my own last breath.
Goodbye, Geri Garner and many thanks.  A part of you lives on in each of us, and, as I begin my life without you, I am reminded of that over and over again.  I see you in myself, my children and all of our family, and, as long as I do, you will never be far away.   Safe journey mamacita...rest easy in the arms of your beloved husband and son until we are together, once more.  Blessings ~ Amycita~