Wednesday, February 1, 2012

No!! I Was Not Late For Work Just Because I Was Pulling The Skin On My Face Very Taut, So That I Could See What I Would Look Like If I Ever Had A Facelift...There Were Other Reasons, Too.

I was almost late again for work this morning, and not just because I feel like the Tin Man from the "Wizard of Oz," due to all the metal in my back, when I first wake up each day.  It isn't even because, now, just a few days before my 53rd birthday, I have to allot extra time in the morning, so that I can try different ways to stretch my skin taut, while I am applying my make-up.  This, of course, allows me, for a moment or two, to remember what I looked like in years past, before I ended up with so many wrinkles.  No, I was almost late again because I always watch "Channel 7 Action News" and "Good Morning America," and I am constantly distracted by all the important observations I am compelled to make during the course of these newscasts.  Luckily for you, I am willing to share my remarkable insights, so that you too, may ponder them while you are getting ready for work tomorrow, ensuring that you will possibly be late, as well.
1. Why can't American newscasters be more like the anchor of the Canadian news show "The National."  Much like Walter Cronkite, in days of old, he simply reports the news, in a professional manner.  He respects the viewers enough to allow them to form their own opinions about events, and never attempts to influence them through his tone of voice or ad-lib remarks. Additionally, he does not engage in any insipid banter with his co-workers, which I am especially appreciative of.  Perhaps, it would be more tolerable if this supposed jocularity used to segue from topic to topic was actually amusing, but sadly it seldom is.  My feeling is, if you are going to engage in banter that I am forced to be a captive audience to, make sure it is witty and amusing!!!!!
2. The recent case of that poor Grosse Pointe woman, who was strangled and then found dead in her Mercedes, has been getting a great deal of coverage, both locally and nationally.  Two days in a row now the reports have stated that her body was found shoved between the front and back seats, and then, very cryptically, they add that a prescription bottle was found on the seat, as well. What does that mean?  Is that an important clue that provides the key to solving the case?  I mean, I even watch all those true murder shows on Court TV and I still do not grasp the significance of that tidbit of information.  I carry my prescription high blood pressure medication in my purse, and, if you have ever been unfortunate enough to need to get something out of it, it will come as no surprise to you that things like my medication are falling out onto the seat all the time!  If I should ever be found dead in similar circumstances, please do not spend anytime analyzing that information, because most of the time when that happens I DO NOT END UP BEING MURDERED...I just end up being annoyed, because I can't find my high blood pressure medicine when I need it.
3.  It was reported that Peyton Manning may not be able to return to football again, following his third surgery on his neck.  I am not sure what the first two surgeries were exactly, but I know the last one was a cervical spinal fusion.  I, myself, have had three spinal fusion surgeries, since January of 2008.  Two were lumbar spinal fusions, but the last one was a cervical fusion, like Peyton Manning's.  As sorry as I am that his injuries are such, that they may prohibit him from returning to the sport that he loves, and one that he certainly excels at, is it really any surprise that someone, whose spine is now fused together by utilizing metal spacers, cadaver bone and screws, should not participate in a sport in which the other team's objective is to prevent him from passing the ball by knocking his so hard, that he will, hopefully, find himself in an entirely different football game when he gets back up?  Seriously, I am more concerned that Mr. Manning seems to harbor some hope that he CAN return to the sport.  My suggestion is that his doctors run some more tests to determine if he has suffered a head injury, because, to me, it sounds like he has had a possible concussion.
4.  This observation forces me to return back to my favorite news show "The National" again.  Why can't the stories that are reported on our local and national shows include more global events, instead of featuring all the stories about celebrity mishaps or showing the same weather report, over and over?  Because the Canadian show does not pander to such tabloid-style reporting, or the need to create a heightened state of anxiety about a dusting of snow, they have time to provide complete coverage, on stories of real significance, that are not limited to just a moment in which to tell them.  As the stories unfold slowly, the viewer is provided with considerable information, with which to draw a conclusion from, rather than on a catchy sound-bite designed to attract viewers, regardless of if the information is misleading or not. 
5. And finally, why do so many companies have to repeatedly air commercials that I find so incredibly irritating?  In particular, I DETEST the commercial, during which individuals come across items on sale, and then scream at the very top of their lungs, in dismay.  Also, I do not like the commercial that suggests, no DEMANDS, that I discuss something that they say really matters, which is what goes on in the bathroom.  They have been sadly misinformed by their ad agency, because I definitely DO NOT need to discuss what goes on in the bathroom with them, and I will demonstrate this to them by NEVER, under any circumstances, buying their product.
That concludes the observations that I made, instead of getting ready for work, causing me to nearly be late again.  Obviously, they are of such importance that it would be unconscionable for my boss to penalize me, even if I were to arrive tardy. Since Andy Rooney is no longer with us, I feel it is my solemn obligation to follow in his footsteps and ask the hard questions about all the things I find annoying, and I will do my best to accomplish this while behaving like a cranky old curmudgeon.   I absolutely draw the line at ever letting my eyebrows get as bushy as his were though!!

10 comments:

  1. I concur with every thing you were thinking that almost made you late for work:D.Isn't it discouraging, this happens when there is a monopoly of ownership...nancy abriel martin

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  2. I like watching Morning Joe in the morning! MSNBC!

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  3. Very very true Amy! I think of those things all of the time. I really believe the "powers that be" are of the opinion that as viewers we can't think for ourselves. Unfortunately it kind of seems like most of us,myself included, just don't really concentrate or think about what they are saying enough to get upset or have an opinion about it until someone brings it to our attention. Maybe we've become brain dead most of the time. But on another note those commercials for erectile dysfunction are REALLY gonna irritate me now!

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  4. Wonderful observaton. I mostly have the TV on for noise. That is all if is on the news. 27 miniutes of stuff I dont care a thing about, add repeated bad commercials and about 3 mintues (if Im lucky) to hear the news! AS far as the poor woman form Grosse Pointe. Every local station has to add something to make it sound like a new story with new info which it is NOT. AS for your face Amy the wrinkles and lines add character (at least thats what they say) If it really bother you , do want my italian gramma used to do. Wash your face once a day with Palmolive Gold (they have it at the dollar store) Pin a cloth diaper (or something cotton) around your chin and tie on top of your head to avoid double chin. Gramma lived until her eighties and the only lines were laugh lines around her eyes. Olive skin helps. And please dont be late for work the littles need their sunshine from you !!!!!!

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    1. holy toledo, jan!!!! that sounds like too much work. guess i will just have to learn to love the wrinkles. :D

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    2. OOooooooh, THAT's what the adult size diapers are for !!! I was thinking.............ooooooh, nevermind.

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  5. good article, Amy. I agree that the News programs should report the NEWS. Todays news shows have identity crisis..They don't know if they want to be news reporters....entertainment reporters....talk show hosts...or inane gigglers.....There are plenty of "Entertainment" type shows, such as ET, Access Hollywood, TMZ, etc ane even a couple channels devoted to reporting Entertainment news....I think they put too much of that stuff on the news programs that should be reporting "important, serious, informative " news......yes...let us know if a celebrity has died, given birth or gotten married....however the over saturation of what Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Brittney Spears, etc, etc. is doing is just too much....If I want to follow that news...I will switch to E channel. I hate the inane adlibs that are not necessary....and how a reporter can tell a story about some heartbreaking event and then giggle into the next story.....Be professional.....report the news....do not try to be the news......OK I'm done.

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    1. i have to say, when you consider all of the remarkably insightful observations that everyone has been sharing here today, it is a miracle that any of us make it to our destinations on time!!! lol!!!!

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  6. You are right about Manning. WTF is he thinking.RV

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    1. normally i would just shake my head in disbelief...but i have limited mobility now. ;D

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