Saturday, May 5, 2012


If given the choice, of parallel parking directly in front of the door of the establishment I am about to enter, or of parking 17 blocks away in a spot that forced me to walk barefoot, on glass, through alleys filled with knife-wielding masked bandits, I believe that my choice would be obvious; I would ask my husband to park the car instead.  The only way I am able to successfully parallel park is if there are no other cars in any of the spaces on the street, AND all other drivers have agreed, in writing, that they will not use any of those other spots, until I have finished my errand and driven my car back out. It is curious, I think, that knowing of these issues I was the one who was chosen to teach my daughters this particular aspect of driving.
When instructing Holly, I decided that a great opportunity to learn how to parallel park had presented itself, when I noticed that two of our vehicles were placed a car length apart on our hilly driveway, with just enough room for her to pull Dave's new car between them.
"This is great!"" I said to Holly.  "Just pull up next to the first car, and then we will carefully angle dad's new car in such a way, that we will easily glide into the empty-space between it and the second one in just 3 easy motions."
"Really, mom?"  asked Holly. (whose name should have been Thomas, due to her doubting nature)
"Yes!  I have been driving for years." I said, confidently. "Just follow my instructions. I am sitting right next to you. What could go wrong?"
Holly pulled up next to the first vehicle, and I instructed her to turn the steering wheel and begin to back in at a sharp angle, towards the imaginary curb, about a third of the way between the two other vehicles.  I had not even gotten to the next step when Holly and I, who were both looking out the back window to ensure that we DID NOT hit the vehicle behind us, suddenly heard a sound that was very similar to the sound of our car hitting another car... in FRONT of us.
"What the he#% was that?"  I said, as Holly and I turned back around to look.
"Oh," I said, answering my own question. "That WAS the sound of us hitting a car in front of us.  I forgot to watch that we didn't hit that one."
In a panicked voice Holly, who was still unfamiliar with all the rules of parallel parking, wisely asked me, the expert, what we should do next.
"We should somehow hide these cars, before dad arrives home."  I replied.
We successfully did this, without parallel parking any of them, and then ordered pizza as a nice treat for Dave.
Dave arrived home, and as we sat enjoying our pizza together, Holly said, "Boy, this sure is a great pizza Dad.  And, also, I wanted to tell you that I love you very much."
With that, Dave raised his head and gazed at us with his eyes narrowed, suspiciously. He then said, "Something has happened to my car, hasn't it?"  (and I am not even kidding...that is exactly how it happened)
"What kind of thing is that for a father to say to his child???"  I shouted...but, unfortunately, he didn't hear me since he had already begun running out into the driveway, where he sadly discovered the two vehicles we had damaged.
I must confess, Dave was remarkably kind about the incident, and explained to Holly that accidents happen when a child is learning how to drive...especially if I am the one teaching them.
For all future instruction, I utilized those orange parking cones, rather than actual cars, to teach my daughters the joys of parallel parking....let that be a lesson to you all.  Blessings, Amycita :D


  1. Gah! What a pain! I did have to chuckle at your humour over the event though, probably because I can empathise so much, I hate parallel parking! It should be illegal. xxx

    1. i agree with you entirely!!!! it should be outlawed!!! love, amycita

  2. This is great Amy. Every time I think of parallel parking, I will think of this hilarious story

    1. thank you, t.! of all the many kind comments that people have made concerning my writing the one that makes me the happiest is knowing that i have made them laugh. thanks, for making my day, t.! <3

  3. I dont believe it, a city girl that cant parallel park??? I usually do what my dad taught me . Pull up to the car ahead then back up about half way slightly turning wheel until your left tailight lines up with the right headlight of the car behind then turn the wheel slightly the other way until you wiggle into the spot. Works most of the time. Of course my depth perception has never been great and worse now so even with no cars around Im usually about 2 feet from the curb lolololol

    1. ohhh!!!! well, i can do that!!!! the police just tend to be so particular about being closer than 20 feet from the curb...darn it!!!;D

  4. It’s really easy to hate parallel parking, eh? Well, it is extremely hard to get as close to the car in front without hitting it. But once you’ve mastered the technique, you’d gain looks of admiration for a prize. :D And since you’re living in the city, this would be really helpful.